Happenings

I have a half-written blog post about our camping trips that I need to finish. I have pictures I want to add to it, but lately I don't seem to have time to play with my own personal pictures.

I have a friend, JoAnne, who has an SLR who's been taking some really great pictures and she posts them on her blog a lot, I am jealous that she has the time and energy for that. I need to reconnect to my photography again. Time to get some models and play again. Tonight would have been a good night to take Jake out to play except that I have to empty all my cards to shoot for another photographer on Friday.

I do have three projects in the works. One is an HDR image, the other is a collage, and then the last is a self-portrait.

Joel is still looking for work. He's had a few interviews and a couple of phone interviews. The two phone ones were for internships. One is for a hotel chain in Kentucky. They asked him if he'd move and he told them yes. Hopefully that internship would come with the chance to be hired on! lol. Both said they'd call back if they wanted an in-person interview or more information.

Today I had a horrible migraine and felt very dizzy for most of the day. Tonight I'm not dizzy much anymore but my head is still hanging onto the headache. I spent the whole day in bed. Joel was so sweet and took over the laundry, watched the kids, watered the garden, took Jake to weight lifting and brought him home, took the kids with him and got me chicken liver and even cooked it for me so I could get some iron into my blood (which helped so much!) and then took Jake to mutual and will be picking him up soon. I don't know how I could have gotten through this day without him. Thanks to Jake for making dinner for us (with a little chocolaty bribery).

After years of working on him, I've finally got Joel to say, "mercy" and let me have a bird. I've been working for the last few weeks of slowly putting together what we need for a bird. I got a huge cage for only $20 off of Craigslist, even. I'm really excited :) Tomorrow we visit a cockatiel breeder, she has a bunch of newly weaned babies for sale, and is having a huge sale on them which makes them totally affordable for me. If she doesn't have the right bird for me there are a few other breeders that have birds for even less, just not as many to chose from and slims the chance of finding one that will be the personality I'm looking for, but I'm totally holding out for the one that I am sure will fit well in our home. One is an albino, and the lady has had her children helping with the hand feeding, but they are about an hour away, but the baby is really lowly priced so I'll drive for it if it's the one. Our children have been asking for all kinds of pets for the last couple of years and I don't want any more dogs or cats and I keep killing fish. I'm not quite sure that I could handle a guinea pig (too similar to rats), and I've always wanted a bird ever since I was little and had a fascinating experience at my uncle's house, who bred parakeets and other birds for selling. I was always trying to get the cousins to take me to the basement where the birds were.

We looked at a lot of breeds of birds before deciding on Cockatiels. We want one that will whistle and perhaps talk, which means it should be a boy. I worry about a female getting an egg stuck so I'm really nervous about getting a female, but if I find one that is really friendly, I'll trade the talking for the friendliness.

I just hope our bird's first words aren't, "MOM he won't share the remote!" or something like that, lol.

Remembering Julie

“we need a renaissance of wonder.
we need to renew, in our hearts & in our souls,
the deathless dream, the eternal poetry,
the perennial sense that life is miracle & magic."

e. merrill root

Be back on Monday

I guess that's why they call it the blues...

So, through the neighborhood grapevine I have heard that the fire at the house behind us (which on the backside looks like it was started on the ground outside) was not an act of arson, but a meth lab gone bad.
I thank heaven above that the house didn't blow up instead because our kids bedrooms are only yards away from where the fire was.
However, it has me feeling huge amounts of sadness for the two little children that lived there. Teja and Logan were my kids friends. Teja was in Josh's 1st grade class and Logan started Kindergarten in Jaeden's class but then got moved downstairs to another teacher's class when a fourth teacher was hired. These two kids were at our house all the time, and if the doorbell rang, it was usually them. Teja with her red hair and freckled face and large toothy grin would usually be the one to ask if Josh could come out and play.
Just last week she was talking to me telling me, "I haven't quite decided if I'm going to invite your family for my birthday". I asked her what day it was. It was supposed to be this coming weekend (and I'd told her we would be camping). I guess that party is on hold.
So is the end of Kindergarten and first grade. They will be missing the last two days of school. Gathering their things. Saying goodbye to friends they made this year and to the teachers that taught them.
I don't know where they've been taken to. I only know that after the fire a drug raid was done on the home and the children were removed and have been gone since.
Out on my drive this morning I was thinking that I don't think they'll ever be back. Insurance won't cover that damage, even if they had it. The doors are all smokey, windows busted out on the other side. Fire tape has been wound around the home. I think the home will have to be destroyed unless they have money to fix it, and that money probably came from selling meth. I think we'll probably see a backhoe there someday soon.
I feel sad for the children's innocence lost. Theirs and mine. My children have been told what happened. They don't understand what it means to be "cooking drugs", but they know that drugs are bad, and now they know that drugs can burn up homes and make kids be taken away from their parents. And they know that sometimes other little kids parents don't make the best choices or protect their kids from that kind of thing.
My heart is just so full of sadness, for those kids, for my kids, for the whole earth and all the crap that goes on in it.

I want my boring life back!

Who ever said "ignorance is bliss" surely had it right.

For the last 5 years I've lived in this neighborhood and never had much to worry about. Didn't have to worry about my children much because I keep a very close eye on them and their friends. Didn't have to worry about what my neighbors said about me, because they didn't know enough about me to talk. Didn't have to worry about our possessions because nothing had happened since the first few months after we moved in (except the time Joel left his truck unlocked and kids stole his spare change and lighter). I guess I had my head in the sand.

Two nights ago someone tried to light my neighbor's home on fire. They had the siding fixed and changed before their kids got home from school. I think they might have been trying to protect their children from the trauma it could cause. Thank the heavens above that nobody was hurt. They have two little ones there, one Joshua's age and one Jaeden's age.

This leaves me feeling angry, scared, worried, wanting to move, nervous. My stomach is in knots. I want to dress in black and walk my streets at night and take down anyone where they shouldn't be. I know I can't do that. That's the crime fighter in me coming out. When I was young (and even secretly now) I wanted to be a police officer. I feel helpless. Victimized. Unable to protect my children. I know the biggest power I have is God and my prayers. So I rely on those heavily.

My kind of Rap

I've never seen

anything like it before.
Last night was a crazy night.
Our wonderful home teachers, JoAnne and Justin, came over and we had a great visit. In the middle of the visit I had a friend come over to give me back my memory cards and a much appreciated check for second shooting a wedding for him this weekend. Then when our home teachers were leaving my husband bugged Justin about Jacob's bike. We have a few camping trips planned and his bike needs fixing before we can bring it. So while they are messing around with it we start hearing fighting out in the road, and look down the road to see about 15-20 teenagers having a verbal smack down in the road. I yelled at them to break it up or I'd be calling the police. Nobody heard me, there was so much yelling, and I don't think they cared anyway. I sent my kids into the house because I was worried about their safety and little ears and told Jake to call 911. There was a lot of swearing going on. Then I remember seeing two boys fist fighting on the ground. I'm wanting Justin and JoAnne to leave quickly because then I'm seeing pipes, sticks, rakes, chains with locks on the end of them being wielded around and I'm worried that there's a gun in there somewhere. Their van is in direct line for a badly aimed round.

I contemplated getting my camera, to identify the kids with later, when I complain to our land's owners and manager, but then I worried about retaliation if they end up being kicked out of here... no denying who took the pictures.

Police showed up in the neighborhood shortly after our call and the kids split up on their own, they didn't run, but walked in their own directions. One group of them, and who were directly involved, live on my road. I saw Chris, my neighbor whom I share neighborhood association representative duties on our road with. We both will be writing up reports to our manager and then also to the owners, because our manager does not have a good track record of following up with complaints by residents.

To me, the whole scene was surreal, I kept thinking, "this is so weird." It was not some little spat, it was big. And scary.





Edited since original post to add detail.

I hate cats.

Today I was attacked by my neighbor's cat that has not seen a vet since it was a baby. I have about 20 wounds on my legs and they really hurt :(
This morning my neighbor was sleeping and letting her little girl run around the neighborhood, unwatched. So I had her little girl over here playing with my girls. It was almost time to leave for play group so I started sending Chrissy home, but she asked me if she could come with. I thought it might be a nice thing for me to take her while her mom slept. So we went over to her house to ask her mom, and when Chrissy went in the house the cat came out onto the porch and completely went ballistic on me. The door was open, and it left me and went into the house and attacked Chrissy as well. She screamed and ran to the back of the house. I went home, and started to gather stuff to clean my wounds, but then decided to show the mom first what had happened, so I went over there and knocked on the door and ran off the porch (what a sight that must have been). She tried to come out but the cat was right there hissing and yelling and attacking the lady now. She screamed at it, "what's wrong with you!?" and threw it into the room. She came out and said that she didn't know what was wrong with the cat and that it's never acted like this before. I said to her, "are you sure? your kids are showing us all the time how they are getting bit and scratched." "Not like this", she said. I told her I wanted papers on any vaccinations the cat has. She hemmed and hawed, and it sounded like the cat has never been to the vet.
I then handed in a report to the office about the night before, and told him about the cat attack. Later the dad of the family with the cat went to the office and the manager told him to take the cat to the vet.
He took the cat to the vet, which is nice, but doesn't do me any good since they took it AFTER it attacked me. He came over to talk to me after, and give me a paper, but the paper doesn't mention any blood tests done. I don't think he gets it that the blood test doesn't say if the cat has rabies or not, but the cat attacked the vet as well, and also the guys little girl and wife today as well. Insane cat. If I die from rabies, I want to leave all my cameras to JoAnne :)

So how I feel...

My friend posted this on her facebook today...

“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” - Benjamin Franklin

It Matters to Me

On Sunday while I was setting up the primary room I had the speakers on so I could listen to the Bishopric's announcements. I heard a familiar name in reference to a funeral that will be at the church on Wednesday morning.
And so it begins....
My reflections about my life. What would be written in my obituary? What would my friends and loved ones whisper about me to each other? What would my family find in my drawers or journal that I wouldn't want them reading? What will be the lasting memories each person has of me?
I know that I've come a long, long, long, long way from where I used to be. I used to be a rebel, rule breaker, flighty, shallow, angry, selfish, in my own world.
I hope that the changes I've made make it up to those I've hurt. I hope that I will never be remembered for those things.
When Brenda in our ward died, I went to her funeral. She'd had a battle with brain cancer. At the end of her treatment she'd accepted Christ into her life and was baptized. I was so in awe at what a beautiful person she was inside. She was beautiful on the outside as well, but at her funeral, the things that were said about her showed her inner beauty in everything everyone said. It was inspiring. I wanted to be just like her. Loving and accepting of people all around her. They knew of her love for them, she never hid it. That's something I've always struggled with (except for my kids) is showing people how much I love and appreciate them and am thankful they are in my life, and thankful for the acceptance they give me.
When Ed in our ward died, another cancer victim, I went to his funeral. I also left wanting to be like him. He was never afraid to be friendly to anyone, especially the young men in our church, he was involved in the scouting, taking the boys hiking, canoeing. He was a father figure to so many of them. His love was genuine and gentle. They never doubted his love for them. His sons were the envy of many a boy. His love for the Savior was even stronger and he was not afraid to share that with others. Missionary in word and deed. I wanted to be like him too when I left. Loving the youth, loving the Savior, not being afraid to share it.
My friend Julie died last June. I also went to her funeral. What a tribute to a beautiful woman. She was virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy. She struggled to know her Savior. She sought Him out and a young age and "never let go". I quote that from the lyrics of a song written as a tribute to her, at the time of her death. She was selfless, sharing, giving, loving, kind, gentle.... many of the qualities that our Savior has were reflected in her countenance. I left wanting to be like her. She died trying to save the life of another. Her song still brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.
click here to see a video our friend made with our images of her.

I'm thankful for people who have left examples to follow. I hope that I learn from them and improve my life and those around me by trying to follow their examples. I hope that someday what is said at my funeral, or on my gravestone will reflect that.

Y o u D i d n ’ t L e t G o -by Joel Hanson (Julie's Song)

You were born in the city but that was not home
You were made for the country and dusty dirt roads
You longed for the places where wild flowers grow

Even when you were little you knew there was more
To life than just living, it was there in your core
You heard about Jesus and knew he was yours

You took His hand and you didn’t let go
You let Him take you down the hardest roads
Though it wasn’t easy you never said “no”
You took His hand and you didn’t let go

When you went off to college you were the one
Who went to the parties but stuck to your guns
And walked your friends home after they’d had too much

You were pretty and blue-eyed but all the boys knew
There were lines in the sand they could not cross with you
And it made some nights lonely but you made it through

You took His hand and you didn’t let go
You let Him take you down the hardest roads
Though it wasn’t easy you never said “no”
You took His hand and you didn’t let go

Some called you stubborn, feisty and hard
But you were driven to live out what was there in your heart
And sometimes your decisions meant you had to stand alone
But when it came to loving it was there in your bones

So that day in the river when that young girl slipped
You reached out and grabbed her and held to her wrist
And as you lost to the current you never loosened your grip

You took her hand and you didn’t let go
You let her take you down the hardest road
Though it was not easy you never said “no”
You took her hand and you didn’t let go
You took her hand and you didn’t let go

Today

I started the morning today having Jake drive me down to Burnsville to pick up a bird cage that was advertised on craigs list. It is soooo nice and such a steal! It's a good sized one and it came with a stand so it sits high and doesn't take up any table space. They even gave me a bag with a ton of bird toys in it. Everything we need to get started. Food and water holders, toys, mirrors, ropes, swings, perches, etc. and it was only 20 bucks.

On the way back from picking up the cage we were going along highway 35 and saw an officer pulled someone over up ahead, and another officer getting onto the freeway where we were at. Jake slowed down and let that officer in front of us but never pulled over to the other lane, he only slowed down so the second officer pulled over, then out behind us and pulled Jake over for not moving over one lane. I thought Jake might have been very nervous but he did ok. Luckily, I think because Jake only has his permit and is still learning, and because I have an impeccable driving record, we were only let off with a warning. However, he did let us know that the fine is $178 for not pulling over. Ouch!

Then I had to take Joy to her eye doctor appointment. I am so thankful for programs out there like the one that helped us. It's called Gift of Sight. We don't have insurance and because of Joel being laid off we don't have money for eye doctors. So when Joy had trouble at her Kindergarten screening they gave us a referral to Lens Crafters who participate in the program. Joy was diagnosed with hyperopia in her left eye. In her case it's pretty severe, where she can't see things either near or far. So he gave her a glasses prescription, where the lens for the left eye is not as strong as she needs, so that the eye has to work, and then she has to wear an eye patch over her right eye every day for an hour, along with the glasses. She was very excited about the glasses, and I let her pick out what pair she wanted. I wished they had red or pink ones that she would have found adorable, but she did find a pair of darker ones that she loved. We go back in the morning to pick them up. They would have been ready today, but we went up north to Meadowlands to visit Joel's grandmother's grave.
So after the appointment we went about 2 and a half hours north to visit the graveyard that many of Joel's family is buried in.
We stopped for dinner on the way home and now the kids are all stir crazy from sitting in the van all day. We did bring along their tv units that play movies and also come with 30 games for the kids to play, so they weren't completely bored, they just had to play round-robbin with the tv's because we only have two. But Josh and Jaeden keep breaking out into fights. It's about time to put them to bed, thank goodness!