Today at the gym I was reading last month's Ensign magazine. In it was an article titled "Finding My Faith" by Joshua J. Perkey.
In it he talked about how when he was taking missionary discussions he kept holding off his baptism because he was waiting for some big revelation to himself that the Church was true. Time after time the missionaries would challenge him to be baptised, and time after time he would turn them down. Yet he kept taking discussions. Then one day during a discussion a missionary told him that every time they ask him to be baptized he tells them no, but what he had to do was say yes and then the Spirit would confirm it to him.
I've been in several discussions in the last year where this has been brought up, where we try to get answers to prayers, "tell me if I should do this or that", yet we feel we have not received an answer. John Bytheway, in his Standards Night Live, tells about how when he was trying to decide if he should ask this girl to marry him. He finally figured out that he had to make the decision first and then asked God to stop him if it wasn't right.
Often that is what we have to to, is make the decision first and then ask the Lord if it is right. This is how I ended up with some really amazing counselors when I was the Young Women's President.
Anyway, back to the first story, this young man had to make the decision to be baptized, first, before the Spirit witnessed to him overwhelmingly at that moment he said "yes" that what he was doing was right.
We haven't paid our tithing for several months. Every paycheck I've written tithing into our bank book, but I haven't paid it. I'll admit, it's been quite satisfying seeing the amount pile up in our account. When things look rough I kept thinking, "Well, we have that money to help if we need it, we don't go to the temple much anymore anyway." But then the thought comes to me, "I don't want to burn if Christ comes tomorrow." Haha, too bad that's the extent of my thoughts lately.
The last several weeks I've been searching for long sleeved dresses for my girls for the winter, so they don't freeze going to church here in the Nordic north. Last Saturday I finally decided enough is enough, we just need to pay our tithing and then hope the rest of the year works out somehow. So Sunday Joel took the $3,200 check in with us to church, and gave it to a Bishopric member. Later that day the Bishop's wife brought in 3 bags of clothes for my girls, with SEVERAL adorable winter/spring dresses for them!
It didn't really occur to me until today when I was reading that story that I had a similar experience this week with the dresses.
I know this was simple, but it was an immediate answer to a need I had.
I know that the rest of this year will be ok and we will be taken care of. I just needed that boost to my testimony. I just wish my mind wasn't in the clouds so much that it takes more than a week to realize I've been blessed by my faith.