Monday, March 24, 2008

See the scum in the gray sweatshirt down there?

In the remodeling pictures. (The gray t-shirt guy is my husband.)

I don't usually blog, or write on message boards about any issues my family has or any need for prayers, (I'm usually superwoman) but I'm facing something that is much bigger than anything I've ever faced before and I'm needing a little more support than usual for this one.

We are remodeling part of our home and this weekend a long time family friend (who also happens to be my 4 year old adopted daughter's biological father, and live in boyfriend of my sil) who was helping us, assaulted my 6 year old son, by kicking him in the stomach/side when nobody was looking. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and it seems like a strange freaky dream.

Last night we talked to my fil and mil about it, he lives with them.

Tonight we go to confront him.

This is a heartbreaking experience for my family. My daughter will now be cut off from any relationship with her birth-father until she is 18, and now we have the awkwardness of not being able to visit my in-laws as long as he is living with them.

This totally hoovers.

I don't understand this. My heart has been in the bottom of my stomach all weekend long. I can't put off any longer confronting him. If there had been a bruise left, I'd have his butt in jail today, however I am thankful that he didn't hurt my son enough to cause a bruise... although the trama goes deeper than a bruise and will take much longer to heal.

My son thought this man was his buddy, his friend. My son thought he was safe in his own home. This man violated my son, violated our home, violated our sense of security. That's something that can't be given back, and will take time to feel that way again.

When it was time to leave here and while we drove over there I was shaking like a leaf! We stopped the car before leaving the neighborhood to say a prayer for guidance and for clarity of mind and that we would not have an argument or fight and that D. would be honest with us.

We went over there tonight. My mil called him and my sil up from their room downstairs and said that we were here to talk to them.

Our son came with us and stayed in the room, though given the opportunity to go downstairs with grandma. They came in and D. said, "Hey little buddy" and handed out his hand for 5, and my little guy hesitated but did give him 5. I think he was unsure how to act.

Then I got to do all the talking. I said, "Saturday after you left J. told us about you kicking him and we are here to find out what he did to deserve it." He started to act like he wasn't sure what I was talking about and then said, "Oh that. I didn't mean to kick him that hard." Then tried to explain that my son and daughter were playing in the kitchen and he thought J. was being too rough. He didn't mean to kick him that hard. I told him very calmly yet firmly, you don't hit my kid, you don't spank my kid, you don't kick my kid and you don't touch my kid. If you have a problem with my kid you tell me and I will handle it. I told him he wasn't welcome in our home anymore and that I don't want him around my kids anymore. I told him he broke a trust he had with us. I told him how my son thought he was his friend, his buddy and how he betrayed that and I don't know that he will ever get a chance to earn that trust back. I told him I hoped he realizes how serious it is what he's done here. He said he did. Then I waited for him to say more... he didn't. So I told him my son deserves an apology, to which he told my son he was sorry.

I then asked my dh and son if they had anything to say, they both said no.
So then we left.

I asked my dh why he didn't say anything and he said that I'd said it all. I told him, "You were supposed to say,'Yeah! What she said!'" Later, when we stopped for gas, my son started crying a little and said he remembered something he wanted to say to D. I asked what that was, he said, "See you in forever." Which is his way of saying 'see you never'.

I'm glad we got this taken care of, and my son was able to see me defending him. I hope he's learned that this is not ok, and he does not ever have to be afraid to tell us that someone has hurt him, and that he knows I will protect him the best I can. Now we can try to move on from here.

I feel sad for my daughter. She's built a relationship with this guy, and I knew that he was walking a thin line already at my mil's and was about to be kicked out again. I was worried that would affect their relationship. She knows she's adopted and that he's her "first dad", but she also knows that she doesn't "belong to him anymore" as she's said the other night. He's kind of hammered that nail in the coffin.


Carrot Jello said...

Oh my gosh, that's awful!
I'll pray for you.

Stacey said...

Oh wow,I would be LIVID! I'm so sorry that happened to your son. I will keep you in my prayers.

Ginabear said...

You know how I feel about all of this, it breaks my heart that J (I am laughing cuz all of your kids names start with J) had to go through this. I am almost in tears right thinking about that sweet little boy. My heart is also breaking for you Jen. I know how incredibly hard this whole thing has been for you. Part of me wants to kick the livin snot out of that gray sweatshirt jerk!! I am soo sorry Jen. Wish I could be there to hug you really tight!! But I guess all I can do is say a prayer for you and your family. You are soo strong Jen and I admire you soo much for defending your son. Please give J a hug for me as well. I love you guys like you were my own family, you know that!! said...

awh jen,
so sorry you and your family had to experience all of this.

but you are one tough mama bear. proud of you girl, kathleen xo

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't read this until tonight. Life goes on great, and then something like this happens that just puts a pit in your stomach.
No adult, under any circumstances, kicks a kid.

God bless you that you did what needed to be done. He was confronted. He was told that he betrayed your trust and that he was not to come back.

He tangled with the wrong Mama Bear!

I will tell you one thing, that I truly believe, if he did that, it is better that you let him out of your lives for the kids sake. It is a blessing to have an early warning on a persons capabilities. Now you know.

You can probably find a way to still have time with mil and fil and sil, and let JERK be the one who is inconvenienced and not be there when you come....if they agree with or support you on that idea. Either that, or not let the kids out of your sight, EVEN for second, if he is around. He will do worse. Even to his own daughter. He just has no sense.